This is a follow-up to my column that ran Thursday in The Fox Forum called
Roe v Wade and the Rights of the Father. The column examined the plight of two types of men.
The first man wanted to abort his baby because he was not ready to be a parent, but the mother wouldn’t abort, denying him the reproductive right she has.
The second man is a grieving father who wanted to be a parent but the mother wouldn’t let him, so she killed the baby by abortion, denying him the reproductive right she has.
We can never offer the grieving man more than emotional help – we can’t force a woman to have his baby.
We can help the second man who does not want to be a father. Some background:
Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg reminds us that abortion is not the issue – the issue is reproductive rights – the right to control whether to be a parent or not.
I proposed a “Father’s Abortion,” where a Judge relieves the expecting father of all parental obligation to the child. No one will interfere with the woman’s right to choose. She can still have the baby or not. Now he too will have the choice to be a parent or not, just as she can choose.
Equal rights.
Take a look at examples of responses I received from readers.
Regarding the “Father’s Abortion,” even people who self-identify as “pro-choice” said they agreed: “I am 100% pro-choice and would actually like to see your Father's Abortion be put into law. If a woman is determined to carry her pregnancy to term despite her partner's objections, he should be able to legally renounce obligations to that child.” - Joe from Lodi, CA
“If you are not giving the father any say in the abortion process than he should not be required financially to pay for the child… he should have rights too”… - Nick
“It is incredible to me that our society can crawl all over a male to take “responsibility” for his child (i.e. “dead-beat dad” legislation/policy), but totally disregard a father’s right to take responsibility for his unborn child. – Clay
Extending Clay’s idea, society looks differntly at men and women on support issues. A man who tries but falls behind in support payments is reviled as a “deadbeat” and uncaring parent. A women who refuses all responsibility and kills her baby faces no such insults, and no questions about good parenting and responsibility. Some will even laud her for her “choice” and frame it as a civil rights victory.
Let’s talk about the second man – the greiving father. This is very emotional.
My inbox was inundated with letters from all over the United States and Canada by men telling personal stories of depression, grief and anger caused by having no way to save their child. They feel ignored – no one speaks of them.
“I am the father of an aborted baby and your article strikes very close to my heart. 5 years ago I was completely powerless to save the life of my unborn child and have suffered depression ever since.” - Marlon
Many sympathetic emails were from women. “I have personally experienced watching a man helplessly discover his girlfriend aborted a child he wanted dearly, and not a THING could be done.” T-Muncy.
Kathryn shared, “My brother-in-law's girlfriend decided she didn't want to be with him anymore. She flew to Seattle (we live in AK) to get an abortion at 6 months. My Brother-in-law was crushed!”
Anastasia asked women to consider the man’s position by reversing the roles: “Imagine if a man did not want a baby, and the woman was forced to get an abortion. Outrageously unfair, right?”
Another email noted: If the Supreme Court were to tell the average woman that the father of the child could kill her unborn child for reasons of “finding himself, or he’s not ready for a child, or he finds a child inconvenient to his career path,” watch the women of this country rise up!
I can only offer the bereaved fathers advice to deal with their sorrow by turning it into anticipation. There is a child waiting for them in the hereafter.
A physician from Pennsylvania, Lindsay Parks, M.D., emailed a different idea and counseled men to know the child is happy. Dr. Parks notes with religious warmth:
“They will be safe there forever. Never given even the chance to grow up here and reject God and His gospel, and end up in the place opposite Heaven. He has mercifully culled them for His kingdom, and provided them with eternal refuge and safety.
I am not naive enough to believe that a few kind words will quell a father’s pain. I have never seen pain so vivid, so raw, as in this poem left for me by a father on another website. His sorrow is as real as any I’ve ever felt:
I've got a son that never came.
One that flew kites and arrow-planes.
One that danced in the springtime rains.
Don't know why or who's to blame.
But I've got a son that never came.
Bullfrogs and butterflies he'll never see.
He'll stroll through an open field, but not with me.
There was a time his heartbeat strong.
It beat with rhythm as in a song.
And to me his love belonged.
Don't know why or what went wrong.
But there was a time his heartbeat strong.
It's left in my mind and my heart will tease.
There's no love in my life for my son and me.
Before I had a chance to fight.
They took my son up a flight.
To a room to take his life
Don't know why I had no rights.
Before I had a chance to fight.
Then five months early they stole him from his womb.
Laid him in a corner and watched him die in his tomb.
But for one split second I thought I heard him cry...
"I'm gonna have to leave you now. I love you Dad. Goodbye."